The Mapmaker's Tale

"What is the meaning of this?" Merflatug said impatiently as his senior warden hauled open the door to the mapmaker's cell while the minister of finance and taxation hovered uncertainly at his shoulder. The young green, Percy, stood even farther back, his eyes closed and his hands clasped firmly behind him.

Inside the cell, two guards held the legs of the mapmaker, Carlos. The rest of the mapmaker was wedged in a hole he had dug through the peat walls of the underground room, digging frantically.

"We think he's grabbed onto a root," one of the guards said.

"You think? You think? Who told you to think?" Tejun roared. He summoned the myst.

"Don't!" Haile and Percy shouted together. Merflatug looked back at the guard, but his shock was mirrored.

The two guards dropped the mapmaker's legs, and Tejun hesitated. The mapmaker disappeared farther into his tunnel.

"The walls are the only thing holding the river back," Haile said patiently. "Any softening of them could have us all soaking in Dinah's Curse."

"Peat walls in a prison?" Merflatug said. "Who's idea was this anyway?" He glared at Tejun.

The warden grinned at the kicking legs of the mapmaker and motioned the guards to start hauling him out again.

"Gives them hope, dux," Tejun said, as the two guards succeeded in removing the mapmaker from the wall. "They never make it far. And about 10 feet in, they hit the wall we buried. Oh, he was going nowhere."

Covered in decaying plant matter and smelling rotten, the mapmaker stared up at the warden with undisguised hatred. "You ... deliberate dog!" he said, scrabbling for the man's legs. The guards held him back.

"Well, at least we have a feisty one," Haile said, shaking an imaginary speck of dirt off her cloak.

"You!" Tejun barked. "Carlos! You'll tell us who your dealer is!"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Carlos said. "I don't play cards!"

"There's a new one," Haile said, under her breath. Percy winced.

"Drug dealer!" Tejun roared, his voice straining.

"I don't even know how to play cards!"

"All right, Tejun," Merflatug said. He looked at the sodden, dirty pile of rotten vegetables that was Carlos. "You were apprehended trying to sell pot. We'll let you go if you tell us how you got it."

The mapmaker's face took on an expression like a mole in sunlight. "I thought you were talking about cards."

"Isn't this the one the magocrat called brilliant and a shining example of Mardom?" Tejun said suspiciously.

"No, that one died," Haile said. "This one he did not refer to at all."

"Quiet, you two," Merflatug said. "Well? What's your story, Carlos? Why were you with those two, and how did you come by the pot?"

"What'll happen if I tell you?"

"Oh, we'll reward you properly," Tejun said. "Properly."

********

Man. What did they tell you? I mean, it's not my fault.

Then again, they probably said it wasn't their fault, either. I know those two. They're far more than they seem.

Anyway, we were on this mountain, right? Yes, there are mountains in Marrishland, if you go all the way up past the Fens of Reur and hang out on the north coast. It was cold, I remember that.

And this guy, you know, was out there. That's why we went. To see this guy. He wore the robes of all the — wait, I don't want to say this if you're gonna kill me for saying this. Promise me some immunity. Well, then again, you'll really want to know about this guy, because he's your biggest enemy. Biggest. I mean, he hunts weards for a living.

He must've been eight feet tall and broad across the chest and back. His arms were huge, and his legs, well, I'm running out of words for big here. Maybe, you know, those large snakes you find? After they've eaten a large animal? Like a ... a moose? They were that big! He was just plain massive across the board.

So to cover all that up, because that's a lot of skin and no one wants to see all of it if you catch my drift, he wore the cloaks of all the weards he had killed, and I have to say, there were more than eight colors there, and green was not a dominant one. I'd say it was about even, really. Even. Yeah. It terrified me, and I'm not a weard. It's like, well, if he can eat someone like you, dux, for breakfast, you know, then I'm just a clod of mud on the bottom of his boot, you know?

Yeah. And he was hairy. And had big, blood-red eyes. And barefoot, despite Dinah's Curse. And he had giant ears. And a tail, with a big tuft of fur on the end.

Anyway, we were on his mountain right? After we got the pot. I wasn't there when we got the pot, don't ask me that part, all right? Plin and Duk found me on a deserted island and forced me to guide them to this place. It wasn't my idea. They wanted to find him.

Not that I knew where he was, in the end. Duk guided us. You'd think he would've been most afraid of the beast, you know? Nope. He was the one who wanted to find him.

Now you're gonna ask me why. I know you are. You want to know, don't you?

Well, see, we had this pot. There had been more, right, but we kept trading it and trading it for food and a means to have food. The net was particularly spectacular, because it lasted for one cast. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, fishing is a really dumb activity. Even the magocrat was bad at it.

So we had the pot, and Plin said, "Who could use this pot more than anyone, so we can finally get enough food and water to get ourselves back to Flasten?"

And Duk said, "I know someone, someone who has killed weards, who would be grateful for pot like this."

He said it in his own private language though, and we didn't understand him, but that's what he said.

And I said, "Someone who has killed weards?"

"Yes," Duk said. "And for pot like this, he would hand us Flasten on a plate."

And Plin said, "They make plates that big?"

One time, when I was a kid, a mapmaker came to my town and told us a story about a giant insect-like drake that lived in the Fens of Reur and could fly and was immune to magic. And had a tail, with a big ball of fur on the end. He said he had barely escaped with his life because he had a flute and the drake could be lulled to sleep by playing a sweet lullaby on the instrument. And when he put the creature to sleep, he slit off its head and served it up on a plate — the whole thing, not just the head — that he ordered from Kafthey. That's the largest plate I've ever heard of, and if that monster was the size of Flasten, then you're in trouble if it decides to show up. You should get a flute.

So we got in our canoe and paddled up north, across the Lapis Amnis and deep into Drake territory. Along the way, we didn't see any giant flying drake monster creatures. We saw lots of guer and kobolds, which the magocrat pretty much scared off. And we saw snow, which I pretty much froze during. And Plin failed to catch anything for us to eat, so we nearly starved.

You know, the more I think about it, the more it sucked. I'm gonna skip that part, do you think I can? Do you really want to know about our misery and diarrhea and fevers and colds and murdering tendencies? Oh, sure, murdering tendencies. Yeah, you guys are lucky to have all three of us, because if I had had my way, Plin would be an iceberg and Duk would be food for the fishes, but, of course, that didn't happen.

So we're talking to this guy, right, this gargantuan beastman swathed in the clothes of his enemies, and the creature's all like, "I'm so hungry, no weard has come to be eaten in months! I will eat you now, you delicious morsel."

And Plin says, "I think I just wet myself."

And Duk says, "You don't want to eat me, for I have a magic pot that can solve all of your problems with food forever."

And I say, "Here we go again." Because the first pot we got rid of, we called magical, and all we got was the net, which Plin dumped in the water at the earliest opportunity and tried to get me to retrieve. All right, I might be a mapmaker by profession, right? But I'm not stupid. I know what's expected of mapmakers, that they wander off without their boots and try to talk to mushrooms while snakes climb up their legs, and I have never done that. So I did not go after the net, and we lost it.

Do you think it's hot in here?

Anyway, we're on the top of this mountain with this enormous weard-killer, right, and he's not eating Duk, which would've been a god-send, you better believe it. Plin and I both were shaking in our boots, but, you know, Duk must've done some magic or something, because after a while the monster stood up and stepped over us and started walking south, you know, toward Flasten.

And Duk said, "Well, that was cheaper than I thought."

And I said, "It still cost us our last pot, right? And left us here, miles from anywhere?"

And Plin said, "No, I've still got the pot."

We looked at Duk, who smirked and said, "No, I just promised him that if he caught the Dux of Flasten, and put him in our pot, he would never have to worry about catching food again."

And Plin said, "How is that cheap? Now we have to wait for him to come back."

And Duk said, "On the contrary, we are going to follow him down there."

I looked back the way we had come, and the multi-colored monster had already disappeared over the horizon. We could see his trail through the forest by all the crushed trees and smashed boulders in the way.

And I said, "Well, at least it'll be easier to get back."

One time, when I was little, my older brother wanted to get married to one of the girls in the town. So he had to go out and hunt up a lot of food for everyone who was invited, right? Hunting up food to show how much a man he was, you know, to prove he could protect and support his new wife. And she had a large family, so that's a lot of food he had to find, you know. So he went out, supposedly by himself but my father and uncles went too, because they insisted he couldn't shoot a deer to save his life, right? And they were gone a few days and then they returned, and they had this sled they had made from leaves and branches and hemp rope and some dirty green cloth they found, and it was loaded with a few deer and a bunch of smaller food. It was a great feast, but what I remember most was how the sled had smashed down all the ground and made kinda a new road to the neighboring town, where they had bought all of the food using the steel knife and new boots the bride's father had given my brother when they decided to get married. That path was like what the giant made, only much smaller.

Anyway, we made it back much more quickly than we had gone up, but when we reached here, the giant wasn't here.

And Plin said, "I thought we had lost his trail at the river."

And I said, "Well, Duk? At least we still have our pot, but I'm starving."

And Duk said, "There's this guy I know."

So we went to this shady part of town, and there we talked to this guy, right, and he offered to buy our pot for something in a small hemp bag, and then you caught us, and that's my story.

********

"A ... massive weard-killing monster is lost looking for Flasten?" Merflatug said slowly.

Carlos fanned himself with his hand, dumping a glass of water on his head and washing some of the plant off him. He grinned and didn't say anything.

"I don't understand," Haile said. "Your brother bought food for his wedding? Did they still get married?"

"Haile, you missed the point," Tejun said. "Dux, we need to get on this road-building project right away. Can you imagine, a clear path all the way to the mountains? We could be rich!"

Merflatug looked at his two advisors and then back at Carlos. He shook his head.

"All right. Keep him locked up. Tejun, Haile, we must discuss, then I will make a decision."

Back in the council chambers, Merflatug sat down wearily in his chair.

"Well," Haile said. "The mundane was a liar, the magocrat a smooth-talker, and the mapmaker was clearly insane. I don't believe a word any of them said."

"But we apprehended them trying to sell pot!" Tejun said. "It's as clear as day!"

"Sirs! And lady!" Percy said, standing near the door. "Pots! What you cook in! Not drugs!"

"What?" Tejun said. "Percy? Aren't you off-duty yet?"

"There has to be drugs," Merflatug said. "I'm just not sure where."

"That mapmaker was certainly on drugs, and I don't doubt the other two were as well," Haile said.

"No sir! Not until you say, sir!" Percy said.

"Exactly," Merflatug said. "If they were on drugs, they had to get them from somewhere."

"Then take off, Percy. You are dismissed."

"Two of them mentioned a hemp bag from a strange man the magocrat knew, and the magocrat said he knew a lot of people who had used drugs."

Percy whipped off a salute and ran. He stopped briefly at the barracks to collect his things, and to steal an extra pair of boots, and he vowed he would head straight to Domus Palus and never come back to this mad house again.

Meanwhile, back in the council chambers, "Maybe if we sent them out again, they'd go back to their dealer. We could have someone befriend them and follow them."

"We could send young Percy."

There was a knock on the door. A guard appeared.

"Report!" Merflatug said.

"A mundane, a magocrat and a mapmaker are in three prison cells," the guard said, and paused.

"We know that," Tejun said. "Go on."

"The mundane is laughing like a madman, the magocrat is ordering us to set him free, we think, and the mapmaker is deathly ill."

"Laughing?" Haile said.

"Go get Percy back here. We have a special assignment for him," Tejun said.

"Wait," Merflatug said, "You said the mapmaker is ill?"

"Deathly, sir. He caught something when he tried to crawl through the wall."

"What is it?" Haile said.

"A snake bite. Normally not fatal," the guard said. "If it is treated in a few minutes."

"An opportunity presents itself," Tejun said. He motioned to the guard. "Get Percy!"

"Yes," Merflatug said. "I'm not sure we want those three running around loose, though. They strike me as dangerous."

"Two, dux," Haile said. "The mapmaker is dead."

"That's too bad," Tejun said. "He's the only one who knows where that road was."

Percy was at the side gate when the guards stopped him. They ushered him back to the council chambers. There, the dux, the minister and the warden were continuing their discussion.

"How big do you think the needle it used was? I mean, a regular one would be like a splinter to a giant like that, right?" Haile said.

"I've had some big splinters," Tejun said.

"Ah! Percy," Merflatug said. "How would you like to be an auburn?"

"Er ... yes?" squeaked the young guard.

"Today is your lucky day! Today, you get to become a mapmaker!

Copyright 2005-2006 Eric Zawadzki and Matthew Schick. All Rights Reserved.
This site has features best viewed in Mozilla Firefox. Download today!
Contact us at seruvus@caligrean.com or marrish@caligrean.com.